I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
