Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
