I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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