After last night, I could never be a politician.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
