Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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