I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
