it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
