Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
