I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize