i wish my penis had a tongue
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
