Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
