I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize