woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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