Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
