don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
