well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
