i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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