That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
