if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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