I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
