Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
