Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
