Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wish my penis had a tongue
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
