and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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