her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
