Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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