The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
