you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
