I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
