Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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