my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
