the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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