sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
