Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
