dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
please come you make the beer taste better
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
