i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
