I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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