The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
