I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
