I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i believe in u and ur pee
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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