The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A bitchslap is in order.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
