so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she smelled like a LAN party
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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