He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
