I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
