Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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