U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
