There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
