u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
