dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
