He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
