sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
