so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
