fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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