Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
