I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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