I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
