hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
