People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize