he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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