D3 body, D1 cock
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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