I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
