I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
