I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
