if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
