In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
