Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
