I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
