today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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