I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ttyl tear gas
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
