Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
