I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
