Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is the high leading the old right now
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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