Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
