I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
