the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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