Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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