girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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