hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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