I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
