We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
